My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
