Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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