I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
