How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
