You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
