Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize