you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
