Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
