if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
