I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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