You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
