U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
