brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
