yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
