somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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