I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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