im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
