He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize