i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
