Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
