Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
