everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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