I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
