As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
