he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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