Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
