Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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