Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
