So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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