I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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