I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
