i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
