I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
