i think my mom watched the whole time
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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