Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
