I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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