At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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