Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
