Pappa wants mamma naked
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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