3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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