Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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