FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
