I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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