this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
