Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
