Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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