i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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