I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
