I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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