He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
