You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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