I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
