Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
