dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
