Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
