So drunk its hurt
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry about my life...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
