my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
