is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
