In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
