Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
50% drunk capacity currently
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
