cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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