im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize