the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
