but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
