Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize