planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
