I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
