It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
