you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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