If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
