Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize