So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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