I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
