I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
