were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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