well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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