Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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