i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
