I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
