dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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