the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
